For much of my life, I’ve avoided sharing my opinions in public on controversial topics. Not because I don’t have any (I do, sometimes contradictory, politically incorrect, or evolving), but because I’ve been afraid of being misunderstood, judged, disliked, or disappointing people.
What I struggle with
I’ve always felt uncomfortable with conflict. I’ve never liked picking sides or arguing about who’s right. I think I’ve tried to get along with everyone, often avoiding confrontation.
Maybe that’s why I’ve stayed quiet at times when sharing my thoughts could have brought value (even if it was uncomfortable).
While reflecting on this, I remembered something my dad used to tell me when I was a kid:
"Raúl, you should have friends even in hell." 👹🔥
It’s actually a pretty good piece of advice, though maybe I took it a bit too seriously. Or just misunderstood it 🤷.
What got me thinking
Not long ago, I had a conversation with Francesc Puigvert that made me realize I’ve never really experienced the kind of “healthy rivalry” many people feel around football/soccer (since I’m not into it 😅). I’m not used to choosing sides. I shy away from confrontation.
Thinking it through, I came to a tough realization:
Silencing my opinions isn’t just a disservice to myself, it’s also, in part, cowardice. And more importantly, it’s not the example I want to set for my kids.
A controversial opinion
So this time, I’m going to be braver and share one of my “controversial” opinions (respectfully):
I believe in equality between men and women, and I believe feminism has been, and continues to be, necessary. But I also think that some aspects of modern feminism have strayed from the original goal of equality.
This is hard for me to say publicly, because I feel it’s one of those “politically incorrect” views that some might misinterpret as sexism.
Whenever I’ve shared this opinion with close friends, the response is almost always the same:
"Raúl, you’re not a beer 🍺. You can’t please everyone." 😂
What I’ve learned
I am who I am because of my experiences (just like everyone else). But I’ve learned that it’s important to express my ideas and opinions (with respect).
Fortunately, I don’t consider myself someone with fixed dogmas. What I believe today might shift tomorrow. I enjoy hearing solid arguments. I enjoy learning from people who see things differently. And when I share an opinion, it’s not because I think I hold the ultimate truth, but because I want others to understand me better, so we can understand each other better.
What I want to teach my kids
I’m also writing this because I want to lead by example. I want my kids to learn the same lessons I try to teach them with words:
- They should be assertive, and not be afraid to express what they think, feel, or need, clearly and respectfully, without attacking others and without letting anyone disrespect them.
- They should listen to, respect, and tolerate people who think differently, even if they disagree.
- Changing your mind isn’t a weakness; it’s a sign of maturity and intelligence.
- You can have a deep friendship with someone who sees the world completely differently.
And I say this because I live it (and I’m sure you do too 😉).
Many of the people I’m closest to hold opinions that are completely different from mine (on politics, religion, etc.), but that doesn’t stop us from loving each other.
Because a true friend is someone who really knows you, loves you for who you are (including your quirks), and even if they don’t always agree with you, they respect you, care about you, and are there when you need them.
What I'm committing to
That’s why I’ve decided to be more open, even in public. So people can get to know me better. And with a bit of luck, this will help me build more meaningful friendships.
Yes, some of my ideas might sound strange, naive, politically incorrect, or even uncomfortable. But all I want is to talk about them openly and respectfully, not to convince anyone, just so people can understand me a little better.
Mental note 🧠: If someone can’t appreciate me because we think differently... maybe it’s just not worth wasting time on, right? 🤷
If we want a better society, we need to show up as we are, listen more, judge less, and be more tolerant. If we only surround ourselves with people who think like us, we’re headed toward a more polarized and divided world. And that helps no one.
To wrap up
I’m still reflecting on my thoughts and ideas, and I hope to keep writing and sharing them here soon.
And if I ever say or do something you don’t agree with or don’t understand, I genuinely invite you to tell me (with kindness 😉). Really. Over a beer if needed... or a soft drink. I’ve come to accept not everyone likes 🍺 😜.
What about you? Is there an opinion you’ve kept to yourself for fear of not fitting in?
How do you deal with it? I hope I’m not the only one 😅.